You know, I always figured this would get easier. You've been gone for 9 years, but I still think about you on a regular basis. I guess that's to be expected, though... It would be unfair to just completely forget you. And I don't think I'd ever want that. I just want this to get easier. I'm tired of wondering about the person you would be today, or thinking back to the days when we played hide-and-go-seek tag in your yard. The days I would stay the night at your house and your mom would record Pokemon for us to watch when we woke up.
I feel so bad for your family too, but what do I say? Sure, it's been 9 years since we all lost you, but is this an approachable subject now? I just don't know who else to talk to about you. I don't have the same friends we used to. Jonny is not the person I used to know... BJ is just as scandalous and stupid as he ever was. Jacob stopped being friends with me when I came out to him... That's another thing I always wondered about. Would we still have been friends if you had been alive when I came out? I'd like to think so. Sometimes I wonder if you maybe had the same secrets I did- I always remember you telling us you had a crush on someone, but you would never tell us who it was... was it a guy?
I miss you, Pat. I wish you were still around. I miss the way you used to say my name, or the way we would fight about something really stupid and you would always apologize first because I was/am far too stubborn to do it. I miss your laugh, and your smile. I miss how you always stuck up for me, even though I was the weird kid in McGrath. How you always made sure I was included in things, even things you knew I wouldn't like but would go do anyway because it was better than being alone. I wish I didn't have to do this without you. I wish I knew what would have happened to us if you hadn't died. I wish you were still alive, and still my best friend. I wish I could hear your voice again.
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