Okay

For the first time since I lost my apartment, I feel okay. It's been a while since I've been able to just sit down and feel... content. For once in my life I'm on top of my homework, so I'm not stressing about school. I'm not spending my money all willy-nilly, so I'm not stressed about money. When I lay my head down to sleep there are no nagging, persisting thoughts to pester me. Sure, there are things I'd like to add to my life right now (a boyfriend would be nice), but they're not really things I need. They don't nag my mind when it's looking for a few moments of peace.

It's a wonderful feeling, "okay." Sure, we should all shoot higher, but simply being okay is a wonderful thing to be if those other, better feelings are just slightly out of reach at the moment. And when you feel something other than "okay" you tend to get distracted. If you're happy, sad, angry, or whatever, you've probably got things on your mind that keep you from thinking about the necessities. You think about the necessities when you're okay. You have an easier time remembering and knowing what it is you want, because there's nothing else there to cloud your judgement.

Or perhaps this is just maturity, and I've just never recognized it before. Maybe I didn't think of the practical before now. For the first time in my life my mom asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I asked for something pragmatic. Maybe "okay" is simply growing up and finding out where you want to be in this world and figuring how you get there- even if it is one step at a time. Maybe okay is having numerous little things go your way once in a while. Maybe okay is a collection of all of these things, and just a feeling of contentment that can be found only when you've reached a certain psychological cue. I can't say for certain. The only thing I am sure of, is that I'm okay.

And I'm really glad to be okay.