Can't Sleep

I've got New York on the brain. As I've said before, it's always been my dream to live in NYC, one that I've always found ways to talk myself out of. But I've just spent the last two hours laying in bed trying to sleep, and all I can think about is New York. I've been thinking about it a lot, actually. I was looking at community colleges on the web a couple days ago. I told my mom, sister and aunt earlier today that I've been thinking about moving down there in the fall. Maybe wait until the PFD hits us, that'll give me an extra grand or so to work with.

But I'm thinking if I can find a job here and save up the money (hopefully somewhere around $2000), then sell my car for $3000-4000, with that extra money from the PFD I might have enough to put myself up in a hotel for a couple weeks while I look for a place and a job. I know I wouldn't be able to get anything luxurious, but what the fuck do I care about luxury? I've lived in a cabin, I've lived in a trailer, I've lived in a shitty apartment before. I would honestly be fine with a little studio apartment, so long as the kitchen and bathroom were separate.

I just... don't feel intimidated anymore. Just the idea feels releasing. I'm so ready to be out on my own. I could be a waiter or a bartender or a barista or a baker or a fucking clerk. I'd still be in New York. I'd still be living the life I've wanted, for years. I know it takes more than just wishful thinking and talking about it, but if I seriously start planning on leaving this fall? If I put my nose to it and figure out a way to make this work? I can do it. I'm ready for it. I know it.